Part of the wait is now over--I finally found out that I was completely accepted into the Peace Corps. Yeah for me...right? Yesterday, when I found out, I wanted to smile from ear to ear and yet bawl my eyes out at the same time. Instead of doing either, I just kind of acted like nothing had happened. God, it's just such a heavy issue and there are so many mixed feelings involved....
I remember what it was like preparing to leave the last time. The application process was so exciting but when I heard that I was in the GC in Africa program, I didnt really care anymore--the novelty wore off. Probably two weeks before I was scheduled to leave I freaked out. There was no way that I wanted to go spend four months in another country with a group of people that I didn't know and give up a potential relationship and half of my senior year. I remember the drive that my mom and I made over two days before my plane left. Alot of the trip was in silence just because I felt so weighed down. I made so many phone calls those last couple days just to say goodbye to anyone who mattered to me. Basically I was preparing for the possibility of not making it back home. I remember walking my mom out to the car when it was time for her to leave. Had she of let me, I would have made the trek back home and put the dream of Africa behind me. There has never been another point in my life when I felt so completely terrified and alone. I wanted to cling to her like I did when I was little.
Granted, this trip will not contain the same question marks as before. I have some sort of idea what to expect in any situation that I am put into. I have lived in an African city, I have lived and fended for myself in a villiage....but the feeling of being alone again is still there. I know that it is something that will pass with time once I'm there and perhaps will even be a feeling that I revell in, but right now I'm scared again.

Sometimes life is all about the little things...like when a friend removes green peppers from his sandwich just because he knows you don't like them and he also knows you're hungry.

You know, one of the best feelings in the world is when you wake up in the morning and you are so comfortable and warm-you're not in a rush to move-and you think to yourself, "God this is the most comfortable bed ever. I think I'll stay here all day." I love that.

Today is so, so. It looks like my evening will be spent with an old highschool friend. God, I sound like I'm 30 or something. Sure it'll be good to see this guy since it has been probably a year, but honestly there is a reason it's been a year. It's just that he and I were never really...well we weren't really friends. The only reason we ever spent any time together was because he was friends with Josh. Ironically, I never hear from or see Josh at all, but Eric is consistantly there calling, or wanting to get together. Sigh. Should be interesting.

Top Places to Travel in My Lifetime:

1. Cairo, Egypt (Great pyramids & Sphinx)
2. Greek Isles
3. Agra, India (Taj Mahal)
4. Rio de Janeiro, Brazil (Corcovado Mountain)
5. Venice, Italy
6. Cape Town, South Africa (Table Mountain)