[3/6/2003 8:14:35 PM | Nicole King]
I got alittle reality check this morning when I realized that people really have been reading my site...people that I have actually written things about. Guess I should take that fact into more consideration when writing. This is not one of those journals that all girls have in junior high that has a lock to keep big brothers and nosy sisters out of. I cannot hide this under my mattress or put the key in a secret spot. So I don't figure these things out as quickly as others...go figure.

Tomorrow I will be making a long drive home to the good 'ol town of Z-ville. MJ and GIPPER are going along for the ride and the amazing Coldplay show that we will be attending on Sunday night. Should be a fabulous weekend to say the least. Both brothers are coming home to visit as well, and the new wifey will be there too. It's hard to comprehend that my oldest brother now has a wife. Weird!

The highlight of my day was a trip to David's Bridal with GIPPER and Z to pick up G's wedding dress. Why is everyone around me getting hitched? Why am I not? Oh yeah, I have big plans for my life right now that don't involve attatchments. At least that's what I keep telling myself.

Senioritous (or however you spell it) has kicked in full gear. I have missed every chapel this week...an eternity in Hell is inevitable. I also have decided to say "screw my Vista article deadline. I am too tired right now to do it and have too many other things going on right now." This may end up being the first C, maybe even D, that I get in a class. Know what? I don't care anymore.

Well the morning holds a presentation on Norse Mythology, a 7 hour drive to Ohio, and my bed is calling my name even though it is only 10pm.

I believe an update on my day with SATAN is in order...oh what a day. Around 10am he called saying that he was just blocks away and wanted to take me out to breakfast. The fact that he called this early came as a complete shock to me because I was not expecting to see him until much later in the day due to the fact that he had plans to enjoy Fat Tuesday with his 'ol pal Jim who still lives in G-ville. We ended up driving through Hardees--he ate, I didn't--and then we spent the next half hour driving around/sitting in the Explorer until it was time for him to drop me off at class. My day of classes drug on basically because I didn't know what was in store for the evening. MOMASITA was convinced that SATAN wouldn't stop and see me before he left...wrong. Around 4pm he called. He and Jim were done fulfilling their traditions so apparently it was 'me' time. Long story incredibly short and undetailed....the next 7 hours were an utter rollercoaster ride; it was mostly on the downhill though. The whole day made me realize one thing--I cannot handle this relationship, whatever it is. There is far too much emotion involved, and I am currently not capable of handling it. I am literally exhausted, completely drained from everything else that is going on right now. Why do things with him have to be this way? How did I even get into this? This is so not me at all. I cannot figure out for the life of me why I am still involved with him on any level. It has been so apparently obvious that we are incapable of being just friends and anything else just gets confusing. Why do I keep doing this?

On a complete and vague side-note--I hate when you finally realize that people aren't who you thought they were and in all actuality, you don't like them.

I so wanted to share a funny/embarrassing story from last night but there is just no way to post it without there being consequences. If you want details and I think you would find it all amusing, just ask me.

The EX again called me tonight which has seemingly become the pattern for whatever reason. Wait, that's not fair--I know the reason. He and his girlfriend, who he thought was 'The One' broke up last night and he is left alone in utter misery. Ironic that he turns to the very one who he inflicted the same misery upon. Past hurts aside, he is my friend, and I know that he has no one to turn to right now--no one to just listen. But honestly it is draining me. I cannot carry his burdens on top of mine; I would if I could. I have no more words of advice to offer because he does not want to hear. What more can I do?

SATAN called tonight to tell me that if I would have time, he would like to drive over tonight since he was already planning to drive over tomorrow morning. Apparently he wanted to spend more 'quality' time together...right. Later, after taking a nap, he called to tell me to scratch those plans and he would just see me in the morning. I don't know what to think about him visiting. Half of me is excited and the other half would rather he stay out of my life forever. Perhaps I DO have split personalities after all!!!

Who knows what tomorrow brings, but I'm sure there will be drama....there's always drama when SATAN is involved. I do this all to myself....

Everyone knows the saying, "you don't know what you had until it's gone." Well that pretty much summarized how I feel....no details needed.

The drama that I like to call life continues....Friday night I drove to Terre Haute, Indiana to visit with 4 male friends who I have not seen in up to 2 years. It was just like old times--freshman year again--we went out to eat, saw Old School, and laughed at inappropriate jokes until the wee hours of morning. When it came time to go to bed, they were all in a tizzy about where I would sleep, being the only girl and all. After demanding that they not treat me like I required my own room, I settled down on a love seat in the living room while MUSTANG settled on the couch in the same room. I had just started to doze off around 3:00am when my cell phone rang. My first reaction was "oh dear God, who could that be?" I suspected SATAN, but no, it was the EX who called earlier in the week. MUSTANG was up in arms that I would be getting a call at this hour and before too long, all the guys were up offering to "take care of this guy." After disclosing that I was at a male friend's house, the EX started accusing....why it would make a difference to him, I have no idea. After a couple minutes, I informed him that I would call him in the morning. Not five minutes later my phone rings yet again!!! By now, all of the guys in the apartment are convinced that I am running a phone sex operation to which they demand the number...ridiculous boys. To my utter astonishment this phone call was from DD...yet another ex who has not called me or hardly spoken to me in 9 months. How this all happend in one night within a short time span, I have no idea. Perhaps the planets aligned or something freaky like that; there really is no other explanation. Why me? What did I do? I take it all back!!!!!!!