I got home Tuesday night and flew back into St. Louie on Thursday only to have to wake up the next morning and board a train to Chi-town to visit KEEKS with OSCAR and Z. The trip had been planned for some time, but with all the traveling I had done earlier in the week I wanted to opt to stay in g-ville, however not an option. The train tickets were 50 bones. The weekend flew by with a trip to the Cheesecake Factory (my personal fave!), several shopping trips, one of which involved the discussion of purchasing a fabulous dress that only cost a mere 6 grand. Good times.

DD decided to call one night/morning at 5am. That was cool....apparently he just wanted to leave a message--you know one of those "I don't really want to actually talk to you, but I want you to think that I care" things. Yeah I love those. EX also called once to which I expressed my anger and the fact that I just don't feel like talking to him right now. That didn't go over well...can't wait to see what happens next. SATAN also called...funny how they all seem to at the same time. He apparently just wanted to say that he misses me and really wants to come and see me. Guess some other girl must have shot him down and he is running back. No deals this time.

Sigh...I have homework to do. NO More writing for now except to say that there is going to be one more person axed out of my life real soon because shadiness has consumed them and I am tired of sitting silently by.

Last week was probably the biggest blur of my entire college career. On Tuesday morning, right before I was getting ready to take a fairly large exam, my mom called to tell me that my best friend's dad had died the night before from complications with leukemia. He has been battling for years and just didn't have the strength anymore. I didn't expect the flood of emotions that I experienced from that call. Of course there was deep sadness, but there was also a mixture of other feelings regarding my relationship with Josh (my best friend) that resurfaced. He got married this past summer; attending that wedding was one of the hardest things that I have ever had to do, literally. This was not because I was in love with him or anything of that sort, but his marriage marked the end to the closest relationship I have ever known. The end came because his wife has been insecure with our friendship from day one, and I refused to cause problems within that marriage. It just didn't seem right for me to be calling a married man regardless of our past. On that day, our relationship ceased; I had not spoken to his since. When my mom told me the news about his dad, I had no idea what I was allowed to do or what I should do. The easiest thing was to sit in my dorm room and try to focus on something else, but this was Josh and I knew he was hurting. For about an hour I had considered flying home that night butdecided against it not wanting to be in the way of the family. Finally I decided that a phone call was the least I could do. He asked me to come home if at all possible, and that's what I did. SPAM and I were both on separate phones with different airlines and within 20 minutes I was on the road to the airport... to home....to my best friend. The next day I sat through the 4 hours of viewing at the funeral home watching the saddened faces pass through the double doors, watching the tears, and wondering what I would do if that was my dad in the casket. The night also brought much reuniting with friends I have not seen in 4 years. When the time came to leave, my heart broke as I watched Josh and his older brother Jason stand in front of the casket, arms around each other's shoulders, crying as they said some of their final goodbyes to the dad. Instead of driving home that night I stayed with Josh and his wife in their new house, which they are so proud of. The wife did her best to make me feel welcome and I think this may be the beginning of a new friendship. It felt so good to be able to just sit and talk to Josh like old times, to joke around like we've done since we were kids. I didn't know how much I'd missed him.