I've spent the entire evening stuck at home completely alone and without a car to go anywhere even if I wanted to. Well maybe I shouldn't say that I am completely alone because the 'big dumb dog' is currently laying with me at the foot of my bed. Is it absolutely pathetic when one's only companion on a Friday night is a dog? Funny thing is, sometimes I wonder if this is just the beginning of the story of my life.
Sometimes nights like these are refreshing and sometimes they just make me feel so sluggish and gross. It seems like I have more and more days like this. Not alone necessarily, but bored out of my mind. Boredom just leads to restlessness which is not an enjoyable feelings to have on a regular basis.

Talked to SMURFETTE tonight and she informed me that she will be getting married on November 6th. I should be excited for her, and in reality I am but it all sucks at the same time too. First of all, I hooked her up with her husband-to-be so I'm happy with the match, I just am basically jealous. Here she is finishing school and not only planning her professional future but planning the rest of her life with a man who adores the ground she walks on. If anyone deserves this type of relationship, it's her even with all of her past mishaps...I just wish I could be at the place in my life where these same things were happening to me. Everything just seems to be on hold right now and there's no definite end in sight. I'm tired of just sitting around and waiting. I'm tired of not knowing if or when the Peace Corps thing is going to work out, I'm tired of having only a part-time job and everyone wondering why I'm not working towards a career, I'm tired of everyone around me living on their own while I'm still stuck at home feeling like I'm still in highschool, I'm tired of Will & Grace being the highlight of my evening, I'm tired of keeping those who are close to me happy, I'm just tired. I feel like I need a vacation, but it's not like I do anything to need a vacation from.
My second issue with the whole wedding thing is the fact that I have no idea if I will even be albe to make it home from wherever the hell I am, for this big day. For the love of God, it's my best friend's wedding and I might not even be there. Sure the Peace Corps/overseas thing is my choice, but it just sucks how much decisions you make can exstensively influence your life. I can't imagine not being there for SMURFETTE on her big day. I can't imagine not standing beside her and calming any last minute nerves, but that's the reality of it all. I'm giving up so much while gaining so much at the same time...Lately I've just been letting myself feel selfish and mopey about all seemingly negative aspects of this decision.
*sigh* God, I should just really shut up now...

sweet! I don't even know what to do now except to keep posting little nothings simply because I can.

it seems that perhaps for now, my blog is working normally. could it be fixed?